Chinese New Year holiday has just ended not long. This holidays wasn't a break for me at all, everyday I was so busy that I hardly have enough sleep. I had so many visits to schedule in a day for the few 3 days. Although I was one of the luck one who have one day more off than the normal public holiday because my boss decided to shut down for an extra day, the 4th day I didn't have a little rest either. I host a gathering for my dear maple friends at my house like the past years I did. I tried so hard to think of cooking good food to serve them, waking up early in the morning at 7am to do marketing and preparing the food. I miss those good old days we had while we gathered those years. I miss them so much, last year we did not manage to gather because I was 7 months pregnant at that time, hence this year I decided that no matter how tired I am, I wanted so much to gather with them.
The happy moment passes by so quickly and Thurday arrived so fast. I had to start work again. :( After about 5 days away from work, there was so many work to be done, my email inbox almost floated. I feel so exhausted, tired and helpless. At times I really have such thinking to give up the job because I think that my work effeciency has always been considered above average. On Friday evening, I had to stay late till 12 midnight just to finish all my urgent work only. I doubt if anyone actually knows that the work load that I had weigh how much.
Today while I have some free time in the afternoon loading pictures that I have took on my mobile and camera to my facebook, I realized somehow that I must have miss alot of precious moment with my kids. Going through the photo album, I used to have so many pictures of my Baby Ryan's development every month. But during this 2 months, I actually have a few only, and worst of all, most of the few photos, Ryan was sleeping soundly. I then realized that I have been working so late recently.
Out of a sudden, I also noticed that my sweet heart son and daugther grown up so much without my notice. Celine have turned into a young lady in the pictures we took during the CNY and my baby Ryan have grown so much more mature and he is so much taller than his baby cot now.
Looking around the living now, I also realized that I was alone again. My husband and I are like the closest stranger now, we hardly even chat nowadays. We only communicate for the kids and the house matters, other than that he will just complain about his little things about his work. There isn't any good night or goodbye kiss or hug anymore, every night he will sleep before me when I take over the computer from him. Anyway while I try recall back, there isn't much better between me and him before I started work. Marriage is just a grave of love and there we are in the grave now. Since I can't change this fact, I have to accept it. Love isn't enternal.
I telling myself now, this year my resolution is to get back track in my work and gain more SAP knowledge with my current job and lose as much weight as possible. Before the next CNY, I want to be below 60 kgs and save enough to do my lasik for my eyes so as I can throw my specs away!!!! I want change back to the pretty Jasmine that I used to be!!!!!!!!!!!
I must do it!!! I believe that I can do it and I will!!!!!
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